Ode to the Lady in Pink

Oh Lady in PINK!
Puffy coat that reaches from your head to your toes,
With your boots that match for good measure,
and your pearl earrings.

You have a purse and a cart,
are you going to Loblaws?
Are you going to buy something pink, or maybe some milk,
You’ll be stylin’.

Oh Lady in Pink,
Riding the bus next to me,
tell me where you shop,
I’m jealous.

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Super cool!

 

Seriously. No. Really. It is SUPER COOL.

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Bus vs. Playground

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The Bus is NOT a garbage disposal…I repeat, the bus is NOT a garbage disposal.

Dear Sir,

I understand that you are probably just finishing work and are trying to quickly eat supper before you get home, or go somewhere where you can’t eat and have to eat on the bus, or maybe you are just REALLY hungry and can’t wait. I understand that. But just because you decide to treat your own body like a garbage can by eating that cheeseburger and fries, doesn’t mean you should continue the trend by turning the inside of the bus into your own personal disposal unit. Please pick up your trash and dispose of it in the appropriate receptacle. I notice you are wearing shoes with laces, and if I’m right then you probably tied them yourself this morning.

What I am trying to say is; if you are capable of tying your shoes, you are capable of finding a garbage can.

I have faith in your abilities to NOT be a litterbug.

Sincerely,
Jastoffer

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Why are you talking to me?

I don’t know you. I’m clearly listening to music, as my earphones are on and I’ve been ignoring you the entire bus ride. Actually, you give me the creeps a little bit. Maybe it’s your sad little moustache. No, this is not a Movember moustache. It’s just a creepy moustache. Or, the fact that you’re currently wearing sweatpants. I disagree rather strongly with wearing sweatpants/pyjama pants in public. It’s well documented.

Anywho, this isn’t the first time you’ve spoken to me. I was also wearing my headphones that time too. I had to stop listening to my music! I was enjoying it, dammit. I like to imagine John Mayer is singing just to me… So lovely. I just don’t understand this overwhelming desire to make small talk with someone you don’t know, who was clearly uninterested in talking to anyone in the first place. I mean, clearly I’m forced to take off my headphones, turn off my music, and talk to you. Do you know how awkward and uncomfortable that is? I’m forced to speak with you, or appear to be a complete bitch.

Highly tempted to be a complete bitch.

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An open letter to the couple sitting on Bus 12 Blair tonight….from all of us having to put up with your antics…

To the girl:

Just because you are in love with your man, and your drunk, and your blond, it doesn’t give you the right to yell at a decibel reserved for professional opera sopranos and howler monkeys.  Flirtatiously telling your boyfriend/husband/whatever “what kind of a man ARE YOU?!?” is just encouraging him to keep trying to put his face in your crotch, and even if you want him too, no one else does.  Canada is a democracy, which by definition means that the majority rules.  In this case, the majority of people on the bus want you and your husband/boyfriend/whatever to get the hell off, or just shut up.

To the guy:

Ok, so you are a man who wants to be face to face with the forbidden flower, as a woman I think that’s awesome, but on a public bus? REALLY? I get that you have probably had too much to drink, I get that you are really attracted to your wife/girlfriend/whatever right now, but acting like a horny jerk is only making the rest of us hate you.  Your actions are triggering your woman to yell like a banshee (see 1st paragraph) and we’re getting tired of it.  Don’t anger the mob dude, because if you don’t take your head out of your lady’s nether-region and shut up the torches and pitchforks are coming out, and it could get ugly.

Sincerely,

Jastoffer, and the rest of us on Bus 12-Blair.

ps – it’s like…8 o’clock on a Tuesday…that makes your drunken-ness extra classy.

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The end is nigh!

As a general rule, anything involving the End Times makes my ears perk up. So, when a little old lady mentioned to her little old lady friend that people are still talking about the end times coming, I started to listen.

Apparently, everyone is talking about it and all the signs point to now. You know, it’s supposed to happen in 2012. Other old lady was a little bit more grounded. Anyone can say something, she says. Doesn’t make it true. Right on, grounded old lady. End Times old lady agrees. But if it did happen, she wouldn’t have to worry about her house!

AWESOME!

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